I cant ever say I have had a dream. Is a dream something a child thinks up? One of those themes that sticks with you through your life often followed by "SOMEDAY I will do/get/be this" or "I have wanted to do ___ since I was a child." If so...I was never that kid. I couldn't tell you what I wanted to do when I was a kid. There were maybe a few ideas here and there but nothing I focused on. It wasn't something my family focused on. I was a child of the present or very near future; timing my day out based on what was on tv. Up until now I could never tell anyone a dream of mine. Since I am so specific with the definitions of words I use I would never say "dream." More like "it would be cool if I lived in Asia and become one with the flow." But I would never call that a dream. To me a dream is more committed. Something that takes root. Somewhat of an obsession. It consumes and drives you. To me this is a dream.
When my mom told me that I had been talking about doing this since I was 16 off and on and even went back to school just so I could do this, I stopped...hold up (I said to myself). By my own definition of a dream it seems that I have found one. It took root and stayed there. It kept coming up over and over. It drove me to go back to school. I did lose sight of the dream when I got into school and saw I needed to spend an additional $1400 outside of my loans to get certified. I wanted a big girl job with a desk and meetings and a company email. Though I felt stuck. Trapped. The thought and process of all these things made me feel like I would be doing a disservice to myself (not knowing why). I've had a dream in the back seat this whole time. Like that passenger that won't tell you you're going the wrong way because they are not the driver. They just sit on their phone and wait for you to ask if they have the answer. That was my dream.
Or I could be making it all up to justify this bizarre decision. No matter.
I can say I have a dream now. The nice thing about that is that when people give me the "uh really you're doing what?" response I can say it's my dream and they accept it. That's been my experience so far. Of course I am sure those people who want to stomp out your joy will come crawling around, but if you are any friend of mine I won't let that stand in my way.
At any rate...I hate ending these things so...
